Without Canvas or Paint

    "It's worse than being hungry." He said. "And better than being in love."  He looked away from the coffee table with its vintage scarring and modern magazines.     "You can't understand unless you've been to the hell-like self-made prison that you would kill to get out of knowing you would kill to get back to. And all the world of pretty people, with their pretty ways and their pretty words, think you can just turn a key and the needle that feeds your hunger and satiates your deepest desires will gladly be left behind on the prison floor. Once you've let yourself be ugly, and you've grovelled at the devil's feet believing the pretty people to be simple, silly fools, you know; turning the key is no longer an option."     His eyes found their way back to the magazines before he looked up into my eyes.  "Another person cannot set me free, not even you, Mother.  I know I should but, I don't even appreciate your effort.&

     So, now you know.  Some whens, whys, hows, and whos.  Plus, everything you ever wanted to know about being you.  I think now you are a lucky man.  Your wife and kids are perfect in every way. So, you have been proving your luck for some time.  That only came after many years of feeling that you were unbearably unlucky.     Born under a cloud on the Fourth of July.  Muscular Dystrophy held you captive as your first companion.  Not a good companion to have.  'One of These is Not Like the Others' may have been your least favorite game, you knew the answer would always be you. I had few clues to give you as to why that was your truth, but you were happy even for that.      Now, you are a lucky soul.  You are wealthy with knowledge, self-confidence, and love.  Now you understand all the reasons for your struggles.  Or maybe the truth is, there are no reasons for anyone's struggles.  Whichever is correct, you now know.      It has been 9 months yet I only found out tod

This is not a portrait of Mt. Rubidoux, it is a projection of my memory of that place.  I am 30 years and 1800 miles away from being able to see this place.

She waited in the darkness, patient, calm and silent.  The black of it was thick, deep and inviting.  In fact, it was so thick it felt as though it were a part of her.  And so inviting that she was sure she was a part of it.  The depth of the dark seemed infinite, though she knew it ended at the light that existed somewhere. She waited for a sound, not the heartbeat, that would come later.  Not music, she knew (for she had been told) there would be plenty of music.  The songs of the world would be gifts to her, filling her soul with emotion and promise.  And music would be her gift to the world, filling it with the promise of life. She waited for the sound fearing only that she would not hear it, and spend eternity never knowing her name.  She would recognize it at once, she knew that she always had.  The whisper of her name would bring the light from it’s hiding place, and clip her beautiful wings again. “Shayna” The darkness split into fragments of color as she felt her win

I am not a scholar of any subject.  I do not claim to understand a thing better than another.  I hold no educational accreditation.  I feel like a dog with no papers, non-pedigreed.  However, I am a sentient being with a strong desire to share my thoughts and feelings. -Duh, obvious, hence the blog- Anyway, I seem to go through periods of curiosity followed by periods of learning.  Which is often followed by a realization of pure boredom with the subject and it gets dropped from my mind wondering.  Other times I become more interested as I learn.  Each answer leads to more questions, and so I continue to search for more knowledge.  Sometimes that knowledge comes to me from very unexpected sources.  That seems to be the case more often than not when I don't know exactly what the question is.  I might be watching a movie, and a line spoken by one of the actors gives me enough insight to formulate the question and continue my search. Once in a while, I am given so many answers tha

Looking at the landscape of your life, do you see your destination?  Do you plan each step?  Do you tell your loved ones "I want to climb the highest mountain"?  Do you pray day and night that God will show you the way? Maybe you have found comfort on a path, and feel a need for guidance only when you come to a crossroads.  Or perhaps it is the crossroads that give you the most excitement.  You toss a coin believing 'heads' will always lead you to victory.  Or you look in every direction for a sign.  If the trees are greener in one direction, a snake crosses the road in another, it becomes clear to you which way to go. Do you want to find yourself nestled in the foothills?  The perfect spot with just enough sun and rain to have a garden, and low enough that snow rarely covers the ground.  Or, have you traveled far enough?  You wish only to spend your days enjoying the place you've come to? Destination is your choice.  God will plan your steps, you only n